Shit Slave

The only good(?) things I got out of my recent spin around OkStupid(OkCupid "The World's Best Dating Site")

was a mild girlcrush on a girl that looks like me but won't talk to me, presumably because she likes men. Her name is BeanPistol.

Now I can flick the ol' bean and fantasize about BeanPistol!! Everythings perfect. Just BEANY!!

Then there was my conversations with a man I shall refer to as "ShitSlave" being that he is an alleged toilet slave and his overall general shitty attitude. For those of you not in the whole fetish know-how a toilet slave is pretty much exactly like it sounds.
He is a human toilet.
His mistress shits in his mouth.
He licks her asshole clean.


No big shit right? Who am I to judge, right?

My problem with him was not his sexual proclavities/deviations but his unwavering insistance that outside of this, him and his mistress have "a normal relationship".

NORMAL?? WHAT IS NORMAL??...... forget that..that's a whole different can of worms/shit.

Aside from the fact that he has a whole different view on breakfast than the rest of us ..he put it like this " I mean we hug, we go on dates,we fuck, we go to sleep in each other arms.. we are as normal as the normalest vanilla couple".

That's beautiful and special and all.. but does she kiss you on the mouth?

This a question he got irate at.

DOES ..SHE...KISS ..YOU..ON ..THE MOUTH!!??

Cause as far as I'm concerned .."Pretty Woman" this ain't. Mouth kissing is quite common in "normal relationships.".. you know unless you're Julia Roberts acting as a hooker.. or you are a shitslave! !!

Now I could be wrong, but as far as I'm concerned you are a slave..a shitslave for that matter.You exist to be degraded...because that's what get's you off ..Mouth Kissing conveys a depth of feeling and passion..or if you're me.. the level of drunkeness. Why would your mistress reward you that? YOUR ON A DATING SITE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!??"? she either doesn't know.. and you're a very bad boy or she doesn't have you on as tight a leash as you need to be on.. or you've made the wrong life decision.

Now through the virtues of love and mouthkissing and such I have found myself in what is an unquestionably "vanilla relationship". I've never had a slave..I've never been a mistress but I do know if I'm gonna piss and shit all over some one..I have little to no respect for them. Kissing you on the mouth would be like well.. going ass to mouth. Which is generally frowned upon. So dude....man up and stop puttin so much emphasis on how normal you are and wishin and hopin and dreamin her kisses will start..just keep spewin shit.